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A work in progress

Monday, April 11, 2005

I Don't Want to be your Friend

I don't wanna see your face
I don't wanna hear your name
I don't wanna thing
Just stay away baby
Don't wanna know if you're alright
Or what you're doin' with your life
Don't wanna hear that you'll stay in touch maybe
I'll get just fine
So if you're goin' then darlin' goodbye, goodbye

Don't call me in the middle of the night no more
Don't expect me to be there
Don't think that it will be the way it was before
And I don't think I care
I'm not over you yet
And I don't want to be your friend

I'll forget we ever met
I'll forget I ever let
Ever let you into this heart of mine baby
You just gotta let me be
You gotta keep away from me
'cause all I want to be is just free of you baby
Don't you come around
And say you still care about me
Go now, go now
Don't call me in the middle of the night...

You take it casually, and that's what's killing me
I'll get by just fine
So if you're goin' then darlin' goodbye, goodbye
Don't call me in the middle of the night no more
Don't expect me to be there
Don't think that it will be the way it was before
No, no baby
Don't call me in the middle of the night no more
I don't want to be your friend
Don't think that it will be the way it was before
I don't want to be your friend...

-sung by: Nina


I had a chance to join an online forum a month ago and the topic was “can you really be friends w/ an ex?” You can just believe the number of responses that the forum got. Having gone thru the same dilemma myself, I guess the answer would be – yes & no:

Scenario #1: you have been w/ this guy since high school, now you are both working and suddenly you both realize that there is more to life than each other so you decide to give each other space.
Yes, you can be friends.

Scenario #2: everything was going smoothly (or so you thought) when suddenly your bf says “I need to concentrate on my review, I have subspecialty exams coming real soon”; then you say “Huh? I don’t think I have been distracting him from his review.” Although very painful, you let him go only to find out after a month that he has been courting your good friend behind your back and that they have been going steady for almost 2 months now.
DEFINITELY NO! You cannot be friends w/ your ex! Who does he think he is??? The jerk!!!

Scenario #3: from the very beginning, you know that your relationship will never work – too many people will just get hurt. But….

a. you really love each other, still you both decide to let go because there is no other
choice – when the hurt & unfairness of it all is gone, yes, you can be friends
b. you really love him, but you later found out that he just used you –
I really admire the people who will say “yes, we can be friends” when in this
situation; I guess it only means that maybe they really love the other person so
much. As for me, MAYBE, when all the wounds have healed.

Scenario #4: it all started on the internet… you exchange the stories of your lives, send pictures and gifts to each other, talk on the phone everyday, you are so overwhelmed by the feelings that you have for him and he’s too good to be true! You promise to be friends forever whatever happens. Then he surprises you with a visit, after meeting each other, he decides that he doesn’t want you.
Can we really be friends? A promise is a promise but as somebody recently pointed it out to me… they are “pro MISSES”. I guess it is easier said than done. MAYBE in time….

So you see, the answer to the question would really depend on the situation. I can still think of other scenarios but if I enumerate it one by one, I will never finish this. But it all boils down to one thing…. no matter how hard you try, you can never be friends with an ex after a recent break-up. You cannot just turn off your feelings like a switch. It would just be awkward for both parties because you both do not want to “step beyond the line”. It would be hard not to act as “the gf/bf”, it would be hard to show you do not care when deep inside you do care a lot. Do not expect things to be easy. One day, when you can look back at your failed relationship and remember only the good times, then you can be friends. In the meantime, let the wounds heal first.

Posted by nikki:: 4/11/2005 02:48:00 PM
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