Wednesday, January 26, 2005out of touch 2
whew! after 3 days, i finally touched a computer. i miss my laptop! i don't know if i'm ever going to get used to life here. compared to other places, it is quite "civilized" here already. they have restaurants, movie houses and a mall but still, it is different in manila. i thought i will be spared from the traffic for a couple of weeks but lo and behold, drivers here are much, much more aggressive; the concept of "bigayan" is unknown to them. its like everybody is in a hurry to get to where they want to go. cable tv here is also "half-baked", they only have 20 or so channels and arirang tv is not even one of them (huhuhuhuhu!). but, time passes by fast when you sit down and chat w/ aunts, cousins, nephews and nieces. mahirap pala mag-alaga talaga ng batang makukulit! and the gossip you will pick up is endless!
we also went to see a lot the other day, very near the shore and along the road; just perfect for a beach house! i guess i won't be able to last for months here so a beach house is enough. who knows, i might even meet some cute surfers there. :-)
see you in the coming weeks for more updates of my vacation! God bless us all!
Posted by nikki:: 1/26/2005 06:28:00 PM
Sunday, January 23, 2005out of touch
Posted by nikki:: 1/23/2005 12:00:00 PM
Saturday, January 22, 2005The Queen of the World
i had an enlightening afternoon yesterday. our church was one of the chosen few w/c our Lady of Fatima (who gave 3 children messeges in Portugal during the summer of 1917) visited. we went there early so we can pray and attend the mass. She was very beautiful! she was dressed in glittering white. her face was so peacefully looking down on her children.
one of the questions i have been asking for a long time now has been answered when our parish priest said in his sermon that to find joy and meaning to your life, offer your day to the Lord! maybe that is just what everybody needs. it is just like when somebody special is visiting your house, would you want him to see your house dirty? i'm sure not and i bet you will prepare the best food for him too. so if you know that you are offering your day to the Lord, would you want to offer Him a day full of sins? maybe it is just what we need to make this world a better place.
thank you Mama Mary for visiting us! till we meet again!
Posted by nikki:: 1/22/2005 01:51:00 PM
Friday, January 21, 2005telenovelas
what is it about these telenovelas that make Filipinos gaga over them? is it the refreshing faces of those pretty and handsome korean/taiwanese/spanish actors and actresses or the heart-wrenching stories that they show? i for one am also hooked to it. i believe that filipinos are one of the most artistic and creative people in the world but i think viewers are looking for something more. let's face it, filipino dramas are very predictable. one can guess what the ending will be while still viewing the middle of the drama (although some networks are already making use of the text craze to decide how the story would end) and it always ends up happily. who wouldnt want a happy ending? it would be nice for all things to end up happily but life has taught me that this is not always the case so we shouldn't be afraid to end our stories differently. writers should also put unexpected and more realistic twists to their plots; nakakasawa na kasi. not all of these actors are exceptionally good but who can resist the faces of jerry yan, vic zhou, martin or carlo?
at present, i am partial to korean dramas. i even succeeded in converting some of my friends to be believers (hehehehe!). and we are having fun exercising our lacrimal glands practically everyday while watching. i dont really know if we are crying because of what we are watching or because we are all just cry-babies. oh well, at least we know that we are still in touch w/ our emotions!
Posted by nikki:: 1/21/2005 01:07:00 PM
Thursday, January 20, 2005Reconnecting
my throat hurts! i had a lot of vocal exercise last night singing my heart out. we treated our balikbayan friends to a chinese dinner and then videoke afterwards. super busog ako! kris and boy couldnt have gotten a word in sa aming mga chikahan! we had a grand time laughing at our bloopers too during our residency days. once again, i was reminded how crazy i was back then - in love daw kasi, pagbigyan nyo na ako! i hope i can publish some of our pics one of these days.
got serious too for quite a while though - talking about starting a clinic. i would have to come to a decision real soon (as in next month. hahahaha!). i know i said i wanted to take it easy for a while and at my own time but i cant be a semi-bum forever. please understand that the thought of going out there on my own really scares me. i know it wont be easy but God will provide!
last night left a big dent on my wallet but who cares? last night made me miss carlo but who cares? it was worth it!
Posted by nikki:: 1/20/2005 12:10:00 PM
Tuesday, January 18, 2005blog changes
since i haven't been doing much lately, i decided to turn this into my journal aside from it being my attempt to turn into "a female version of nicholas sparks". naahh... i guess i just miss writing in my diaries. eversince i was little, i have accumulated lots of notebooks which i turned into diaries. the other day while staring into space, i got nostalgic and brought out my old diaries from the secret baul. oh boy, it was really entertaining! i was laughing as i turned it page by page. nakakatawa talaga to remember that i wrote every small detail of my day went including were i saw my crush and what he said to me. nakakaloka isipin na ang corny ko pala dati! teehehehehe! even when i was in med school, i still kept a diary but i didnt write about how toxic i was or how grueling my life was back then... i wrote about my "steamy" lovelife daw. however, if you are planning to steal those diaries so you can read it, sorry guys, the garbage truck is already thru with it.
anyways, to cut the long story short, from now on, pwede na kayong maki-chika sa buhay ko! boring pero, la ako magawa. :-)
sayang, la ako entries nung exciting pa
lovelife ko. it would've been nice to
reminisce.... pero teka lang, i made a
new year's resolution nga pala not to
think of the past na!
Posted by nikki:: 1/18/2005 11:30:00 AM
Saturday, January 08, 2005Goodbyes
It must be one of the hardest things I’d ever done – say goodbye. For 4 years, I have been going to the hospital almost everyday. I have been through a lot with my co-residents - break-ups, love affairs, fights, family problems, triumphs, difficult relatives and patients, a whole lot more. I have developed lasting friendships there, friendships that have contributed to who I have become now. The hospital became my second home; my collegues, my second family.
I can still remember clearly the day I first had a glimpse of the hospital. I just graduated from medical school then and as fate had it, I was one of the few who was not matched to any hospital for internship then a friend told me about Metropolitan Hospital. They gladly accepted me there because there were a lot of interns asking to be transferred then (good for me!). My parents were quiet apprehensive, understandably so because I was not used to the area. Coming from Quezon City where one can still see open spaces and trees, Tondo is a big change for me. It is also known for its high crime rate then so I was also hesitant at first. My first rotation was in ENT, benign compared to some friends who were in Medicine or Pedia. Days... weeks... months went by. I didn't notice the time passing by, I was having too much fun with my co-interns, nurses, residents and consultants and before I knew it, it was graduation time. Then came the medical boards. After the boards, I had some doubts then on what to do next. In clerkship, I wanted to be in the surgical field but not enough to choose Surgery as my subspecialty. When I was in internship, I enjoyed my rotation in OB, my residents even encouraged me into it when they praised me that I had much confidence in examining and referring patients to them; not bad, I will be in the surgical field but with less pressure compared to General Surgery. BUT I hated doing the labor watch... hours of waiting with my hands on top of a pregnant woman's belly timing and recording her contractions. And then came my rotation in Pediatrics... even when I was still younger, I always loved kids so it wasn't a surprise that I enjoyed my rotation there. However, it was not only the patients that made me decide to go into Pediatrics but the whole Pediatrics department- from the chairman, training officer, consultants and residents. Compared to the other departments, they had a unique camaraderie, they were family! We ate together, went home together, watched movies together, painted the town red together (a little exaggerated of course! hehehehe!), laughed and cried together. I tried finding my place at a good university hospital but I gave it up because I left a part of myself in Tondo.... my heart.
The hardships of being a first year resident was made bearable by good friends also in the same boat as I was. Oh, I had a lot fun! Physically, I always came home tired. Being on duty 32 hours every 3 days and coming in every day almost 7 days a week for 3 years could take its toll on anybody but enjoying what you do with good friends around you will certainly make up for the sleepless and stressful nights and days. Compensation was very minimal but what the heck, I am more blessed than some people I know! I would however be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to graduating from residency. Graduation would mean freedom and a less stressful life! No more waking up at 5:30 am so as not to be late coming in at 8 am; no more headaches from difficult patients and relatives; no more sleeping for only 2 hours; no more demanding consultants breathing down your neck; no more incompetent nurses to deal with. But graduation for me came a whole year later - I was extended to become the chief resident. I know it looks good on the CV but what a stressful year!
As a chief resident, you have the burden of being the cushion that the other residents fall back on. I was the bearer of both good and bad news; all the problems and complaints almost always came to me first. I was tasked to nurture both the emotional and intellectual needs of both the residents and interns, also at times even the consultants. I know I made a lot of enemies being the chief. My younger brother even reprimanded me for what he termed as going into unknown territory for me. Who else would take the greivances of the residents to the proper authorities but me? I was just doing my job. I tried hard to be a different chief resident- become more approachable and treat the others as adults, as equals. I believed that having that in mind made our responsibilities less heavy(hey! having our little patients' lives into our hands is not a load that we can take lightly). There were times I also doubted that philosophy but in the end, everything always turned out fine so I stuck by it.
And then graduation day came.... I am a very emotional person so I promised myself that I will try real hard not to cry. I even volunteered to do the slide show of the graduates so that I can pour all my emotions into it - from the background music to the prayer and to the message at the end of the slide show. But then again, promises are made to be broken- they made us say something in response to the inspirational talk. I don't remember much of what I said that day but I know it is similar to what I am writing now. Looking back, I knew I cried because it meant I had to say goodbye to the people I held dearly to my heart for the past 4 years. They have become like my children (of course some are older than me!). It pains me that from now on I won't be included in their daily lives, that I won't be there to fight their battles with them and that I may not be there to see all their triumphs. But as a good parent, I would have to learn to let them go.
I would like to think that inspite of the failures and disappointments, I did good during my 4 years in residency training. I didn't realize it then but I know now that I am loved by my department. So as much as I want to stay, I am spreading my wings and saying goodbye. I will try my best to make you all proud. And I will be comforted by the knowledge that wherever life may bring me now, I will always have a home to come back to.
Posted by nikki:: 1/08/2005 07:57:00 AM
Friday, January 07, 2005
Posted by nikki:: 1/07/2005 04:04:00 PM