Tuesday, July 12, 2005

a very good friend's sister has been diagnosed a few days ago with metastasis to the brain, bone, lungs and lymph nodes. she is only in her early 20's, had the whole affected breast removed and just completed her chemotheraphy last year. she had whole life ahead of her. if only she paid more attention to the numbness on her right arm, if only she went to her doctor regularly, not when she had difficulty breathing already, if only she had an x-ray done. i know there are a lot of if onlys in her mind right now. but i know if there are people are berrating themselves of these if onlys, it would be her 2 doctor sisters. they knew they had a very strong family history of cancer but they overlooked this. maybe because the didn't expect it to happen to someone so young. it pains me to see my once lively friend turn into a constantly red-eyed person. i haven't seen her yet since her sister's last visit to the oncologist but i was told that the prognosis is not good. i don't know yet how her family and her sister reacted to the bad news or what they want to do next. my heart goes out to them.

being a doctor, i have been exposed to different scenarios like this. a friend once asked me, "you must be so used to seeing people die, do you still feel anything?". i am just human, yes, i feel sad too. infront of our patients' relatives we have to maintain a front, what they do not know is that we too feel their pain.

no matter how hard we try, it is only God who can decide when we have to go. we do not have full control of our lives because we do not own it. it is easy to say, don't worry, she's in a better place now where there is no pain. but who can fill the void left behind by a loved one? who can fill the empty space on the bed? in the closet? the chair?


if you want to know more about breast cancer, please visit the breastcancer.org website